Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
