So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
