Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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