the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
