I'm really into asian looking animals
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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