I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
