I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
