my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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