My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
