I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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