just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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