yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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