when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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