let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
