I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
