Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
