they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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