I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We need to get me chipped asap
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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