she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
