its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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