I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
