Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
