Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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