well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have grass duct taped all over my body
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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