I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
