I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
