just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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