Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
