U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
