After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
