Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
