i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
