you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
