I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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