You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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