He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
