You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
