I am spending my child support on dildos
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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