He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
