??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
pop tarts are not kleenex
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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