Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
