she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
