i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
