Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
