The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Someone signed my nipple.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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