I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
