ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Only a mothe r could love this liver
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
