I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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