i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
