so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
