I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
