i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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